My dearest dearest Daughter,
I know I know.. I’m more than a month late writing this letter.
How was your birthday? Did you do anything exciting or out of the ordinary? I don’t really remember my 18th birthday. I’m almost positive my friends and I celebrated at one of their houses. Hopefully, you had a wonderful and fun-filled birthday.
I wanted to send you a care package for your birthday and senior year but my fear of your parents not giving the package to you overcame me. The fear of it being too much too soon and not on your terms was also a factor. Please know I think of you DAILY! That there isn’t a moment that I don’t wonder about you. Who you are? What your likes and dislikes are? If there are aspects of our personalities that are the same? I have so many questions and yet not a lot of answers.
I try to ask your grandmother (my mom) about you and she doesn’t say much. She did mention you will be majoring in Media & Communications, which has me over the moon. I selfishly admit I have always hoped you’d follow in my footsteps. Perhaps you’ll become a world famous journalist or perhaps a media empress. Please do not let anyone prevent you from following YOUR heart and fulfilling your dreams.
I’m so incredibly proud of you baby girl. Your grandmother says you’re on the dance team at school. She even sent me a picture of you from Senior Night. You’re every bit of beautiful as I knew you would be.
I miss you baby girl. I don’t even know how to even express how just empty I’ve felt all this time without you. And yes, I know I could have easily done something about it but I didn’t want to put you in a situation that would have complicated your life. By complicated, I mean unnecessary stress. There wasn’t any need for it. I know how I can be. I know how incredibly emotional and stubborn I can be. I would have hated to be the source of stress for you. My issues with the family are mine and mine alone. You shouldn’t be put in the middle or on the receiving end of this emotional roller coaster.
With that said, please know I didn’t give you up for adoption because I didn’t want you. I did so because I wanted you to have more than I could give you. I needed you to always be safe and sound. I needed you to have food, shelter, a bed, clothing, etc. I needed you to be able to go to the best schools. I needed you to have a life. At the time, I thought your parents would be the best fit for you because they are my godparents. Believe me, if I could, I’d go back and change the past. I wouldn’t have let you out of my sight. Not for one second baby girl. It would’ve been me and you against the world.
But God always has a plan. And maybe sweet pea, we’ll meet sooner rather than later, on your terms of course. Sigh until then… I love you baby girl. I love you sooooo sooooo much!