Chapter IV

Come on elevator ooooooopen already. Finally dammit. Slowest two flight elevator ride EVER!

Have a good day!

Yeah you too see you around.

Not if I see you first McSteamy.

Married spud ma-rr-ied spud! Lawd help me today!

I scurried out of the elevator like a four year old needing to potty. Of all the days for trouble to rear its fugly little head around me! Usually, I’m up for it. Hell usually I’m the one causing it but TODAY… Today I wanted no part of any type of trouble. For once in my damn life, I wanna be good!

like i know what being good actually means anymore!

I make my way to the break room painted in a fugly burnt orange color. Of all the damn colors to paint a damn break room. Nobody cares about UTip!

Since Curly ran me abruptly out of the dealer, I didn’t get to finish my ceremonial cup of joe which means I will have to settle for the shit the company provides. Crack is NOT suppose to make a person cranky and irritable. This mess is a mood changer and not in a good way. Thankfully, there are some crackish rebels who sometimes make quality joe for everyone.

To my dismay, the crackish rebels either were not at work yet, at all or ran out of their stash. I’m not drinking that shit. I refuse! Sigh a nice hot cup of Indian joe it is today. As I was making my Indian joe, the homie CheddaHed walked into the break room.

We give the ceremonial cholo hello.


You on your fifteen already? It’s only 08:50. Oh wait is Chatty Cathy and his ugly sister talking all loud as usual.

::eye roll:: You already know.

Ugh those two chismosos are worse than females at times.

Tell me about it! Chatty Cathy walked in talking up a storm.

It don’t make no damn sense. Don’t he know there are people in the office who like it quiet! I say QUIET!!


Sooooo how bout I almost got myself in trouble this morning.

With Bae?

Nope… At the dealer…

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa? Who was she?



whoa… How you know it was a girl?

Cuz it’s always a girl!

Shut up CheddaHed I learned it by watching you!! Member blonde, heels and booty!

Nu uh you…. Okay maybe…


We both laugh.



N e wayz so there was fahn curly haired girl at the dealer this morning.

Oh! She had curly hair. No wonder you almost got in trouble.

Shut it! Don’t judge me!

You and Harper Lee are some suckas for da curly cues.

Shut. It! Ugh! I can’t help ma self. Anyway so how bout she came to sit next to me after she got her coffee. How bout I never had a heart attack cuz I just knew she was gone be more trouble than I wanted to be in this morning.



By this time, CheddaHed is laughing at me. As usual.



Bae gon get you know that right.

Not if you keep yo big mouf shut. You supposed to be on my side member?

Oh! Right! Ma bad continue please. Whachu do?

Ran da fuck out!

Nu uh

Sho did! Packed my shyte and ran up outta thur so fast I left my iDevice case.



Now CheddaHed is laughing harder.



Ugh stop laughing mayne this was a mildly traumatizing experience for me!

LOL you’re all dramatic!

Well I haven’t even gotten to the best part!

There’s more to this?

Yep! She chased me down in her cute little Mini Cooper to return my iDevice case.

Wait… Stop! Curly chased you down?! How she know whachu dri…? Never mind your truck is like thunder when it starts how could she not know.

Yep and precisely! We pulled into a parking lot so I could get my case. For whatever reason, she took her sweet ass time to give me back my case. I stared her down like “c’mon already” to which she just smiled seductively and handed it over.


You won’t be laughing in a minute… She hit on me and said Bae didn’t have to know what we did.


Yeah that’s what I thought. You ain’t laughing nah huh?

So fahn ass Curly hit on you and you did what?

::snickering:: Ran of course!! I dun told you before I ain’t tryna get in trouble with Bae nor do I want the added drama.

True dat! Damn! You always have something crazy to tell me in the morning. First the peeper at the gym and now Curly.

Yeah I know. Again I learned it from watching you.

Naaaaaaah you ain’t learned that from me!


Hahahahahahahahahahaha ugh shut up!

I’m just sayin!

I finished making my Indian joe. CheddaHed grabbed a snack from the vending machine and we walked into the office. Chatty Cathy and his ugly sister were yap yap yapping away about the stupid game they’ve been playing for the last few weeks.


CheddaHed gives me that “sonofabitch why can’t they shut up” look to which my response was to roll my eyes as usual and go to my desk.


Today was definitely going to be interesting.

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A Journey into the Life of a Foul-Mouthed Nerdtastic Girl

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