Category Archives: Dearest Daughter

Dearest Daughter: 15 years 4 months (exactly)

Dearest Daughter,

First, lemme say Happy New Year! Hope the first fifteen days of 2016 have been going well for you.

Secondly, I’d like to apologize for not writing for so long. I don’t want to make up any excuses so I’ll just say I’m sorry. I must’ve started a letter two or three times a month and never finished it. I cannot promise I won’t miss anymore but at least you know I’m trying to make an effort.

Soooooo it’s been a rather long three months. Lemme think… what have you missed?

OH! Well you have a new cousin. Born September 25th. He’s the cutest little chunky monkey. He’s got big o’ cheeks and ham hocks for legs. How I wish you could meet him. You’d just fall in love. He makes my heart sing when your Auntie sends me pictures.

Speaking of cousins, I finally met one of your other cousins on his 5th birthday in November. He’s just as adorable in person as he is in his pictures. His little glasses makes him look so darn handsome. Your other aunt sent a text the other day and said he has pink eye and a respiratory infection. Poor baby! Hopefully he feels better soon.

Oh you’re gonna have a new cousin in March. My BabySis is pregnant with her first child. We’re all very excited about this baby.

Okay that’s all for the baby/cousin updates. You have more cousins that I can count. And I’m sure on your biological dad’s side there are even more. Speaking of your biological dad, your older brother just turned 16 in December. It’s pretty crazy thinking about the two of you because you’re so close in age. But I pray that one day you’ll be able to meet.

Have you started school yet? I know you’re going to a private school so I’m not certain if you start the spring semester at the same time as the public schools here. Hopefully school is going well and that you’re keeping up with your classes and homework.

I hope and pray you’re doing well baby girl. I miss you more than I can even stand. Every time my co worker talks about her daughter and niece, who are only but four months and days younger than you, a part of me just melts. I wonder what kind of relationship we would have. I wonder if I would be a good mom to you and give you a good life. Sometimes it’s just hard to think about you because in the back of my mind I still feel like I’ve failed you.

Anyway… I should sign off before I start bawling in the middle of Starbucks.

Hope you have a wonderful day baby girl. And please remember I love you I love you I love you!


Dearest Daughter: 15 years 1 month

Dearest Daughter,

SOOO you’ve reached a month into your 15th year of life. How does it feel? If you’re anything like your dear ol’ birth mom then you’re itching to get your driver’s license. Buuuuut I’m pretty sure your mom and dad are not quite ready for that. I know, no one in the family was ready for me to drive for real. I see your side eye young lady… I grew up in the country and have been driving since the ripe old age of 5. Yaaaaas five years old. Your great-grandfather had me driving our old tractor when I was a kindergartner. And when I was nine, I graduated to my mom’s old Chevette. I’m sure you dunno nada about either of those things.  You’re the city slicker I’ve always said I was when in actuality I’m just a citified country girl.

Yes I’m rambling. I sorry. I’ll get back on track.

Sigh to be fifteen again. I got into a lot of trouble between my fifteenth year of life. Hell you almost arrived 6 years ahead of when you were born. Considering I was in high school at the time, you being here would have been an even bigger challenge but I know you would’ve been loved immensely and spoiled absolutely rotten. Perhaps more than I would have liked but I know in my heart of hearts I wouldn’t have to worry about anything. But that’s neither here nor there now. That was a (@&$)#&_@#&)@&%)#&$@) years ago.

It is my hope you’re not as completely rotten as I was in high school. Hell, I probably wasn’t as terribly rotten as some teenagers you hear about on the news nowadays. But for that time and our family, I was a little TOO rebellious. It was a different time then. I know by saying that I sound incredibly old which i ain’t so don’t go tryna call me old but life wasn’t lived out in the open then. Being that the family was possibly still is very religious and very conservative, everything I did was examined under a microscope. Nothing was of my own. Nothing was really “oh she’s just being a kid or experimenting with life.” Everything was “how could you? What were you thinking? Do you know how this makes me look?” Sigh… gawd I hope the family treats you differently. I hope to GOD they allow you to be your own person and allow to make a decision without the world and the sky for that matter falling harshly on your shoulders.

I hope you’re enjoying your fifteenth year of life so far baby girl. It’s just the beginning of the most wonderful time in your life outside of college. You learn so much about yourself in high school. You start to figure out what you like and dislike. You’re introduced to subjects that might fuel your decision in a college major. You start to figure out which of your friends are really your ride or die. The world is literally your oyster and I hope your parents allow you to experience that wholeheartedly but within reason of course since you’re a minor.

Don’t try to grow up too fast either. I think you know what I mean by that. reread the third paragraph You have all the time in world to be and do adult type thangs. Like when you’re eighteen. Please when you’re eighteen. I remember how my mom was throughout my high school years. I remember all the “talking to” I’d get because I wanted to be curious and of world. Yes teenagers are going to do what they do anyway regardless of who tells them anything. But if you were with me today, I’d be sure to be open and honest with you about what life could and should possibly be. I wouldn’t hide behind my fears of you finding out for yourself from sources that may not have your best interest at heart.

I would use my experiences to educate you and let you know this, this and that as well as that can happen. So many things I would do differently from my mom. So many conversations as mother and daughter instead of nothing at all. Ni modo. Perhaps one day we’ll be able to talk about everything under the sun.

Until then… i love you dearly baby girl. hope you’re doing well.


❤ mami

Dearest Daughter: Happy 15th Birthday!

Dearest Daughter,

Happy Birthday baby girl!

Were you up all night waiting for the stroke of midnight to come? I’m sure you were. I mean you my kid for the love of all things wonderful and self-centered on one’s birthday.

I remember this day like it was just yesterday and not 15 years ago.

It was a Friday afternoon. I went to class and work that day. I wasn’t feeling well so I asked my boss if I could leave early. Thankfully, let me go because I was not good for anybody’s full work day. I walked back to my dorm and proceeded to try to relax. What happened next was the beginning of a very long afternoon.

One minute I’m going to the restroom… The next minute I was frantically calling your aunt who didn’t pick up her phone and running downstairs to the lobby to get someone to call an ambulance because apparently you decided you wanted to make presence known that day. But unfortunately for both of us, my cervix wasn’t dilating and I was losing a lot of blood. And I was scared and alone. Well not so alone because my RA Dominique was with me. She rode with me and was in labor and delivery with me.

Anyway they prepped me for surgery. You were to be born via Cesarean section. I didn’t want that. I DID NOT WANT TO BE CUT OPEN! But it didn’t matter what I wanted. You needed to come that day at that time. So I let go and let God.

I remember when they gave me the epidural shot.

I remember seeing my RA’s face and the anesthesiologist talking to me about what was happening and how I might feel during and after everything was done.

I remember hearing your sweet cry and saying he’s here and the doctor saying no she’s here. I was so mad at you for tricking me into thinking you were a boy and not a girl. See you had your thumb between your legs when I had the ultrasound done. Sneaky little imph you.

I remember when I held you for the first time. I remember my friend Flo calling you mohawk because you had the cutest little curly mohawk with a head FULL of hair when you were born.

Everything about you was absolutely P E R F E C T.

The three days I got to spend with you changed my life completely. How I wish I listened to my heart and not my selfish mind. I never should have let you out of my sight. I never should have….

I never should have stopped fighting for you. But I wanted you to have more. Be more. Be provided more.

With that said, I hope and pray to God you have had an interesting and wonderful life so far. I hope that you receive and become everything you’ve ever hoped for and then some.

I love you so much my sweet sweet baby.

Happy happy birthday!!

Love, Mami 😘

Dearest Daughter: 14 More Days

Dearest Daughter,

It’s officially your birthday month.

I can’t believe it’s already September. I also can’t believe that your cousin Olivia, who is a year and 14 days older than you, turned sixteen today. Ugh I feel like you girls were born just yesterday. Time has flown by so incredibly fast.

So since it’s officially 14 days until your birthday and you’re my child, you started your birthday countdown two or three months ago with monthly reminders in case anyone wants to plan ahead for presents.

I really don’t have much to say today baby girl but I miss you more and more as your birthday nears. I wish, as always, I could… Well I wish… I wish everything! You’re my heart and soul. My everything! I wonder daily what life would be like if… I suppose coulda woulda shoulda.

I love you immensely. I want you to know that. I also want you to know that no matter what it’s you and me kid.


Te amo mucho mucho mucho

Mami 😘

Dearest Daughter: 14 years 10 months 14 days

Dearest Daughter,

I’m sitting in Panera Bread trying to figure out what to say in this month’s letter.

I’ve been thinking about you a bit more frequently lately. Probably because your birthday is in a month and a half. You’re also starting high school soon. My heart sort of skips a beat every time my co worker talks about her daughter and niece who are also going to be high school freshman in a few short weeks. I dunno why baby girl. I guess because I remember how nerve wracking it was not to be at the top of the totem pole anymore. It gets easier but the first few days require more than just a little adjusting. 

I’ve tried asking your aunt/grandmother about you and what you like to do buuuuuut it’s almost like trying to reconnect a severed limb with her. She gives me little to no information so I probably know just as much about you as you may know about me. I can hope you know who I am but there’s just no telling what the family has told you.

Sigh anyway… It is my sincere hope you’re okay baby girl. I hope that life so far has been everything you’ve wanted and more. 

I love you always and forever,