Shy + Bashful Does Not Equal Great Speaker

If there’s one thing I absolutely positively hate perhaps more than the tummy wrenching smell of chitterlings that’s chitlins for you kon’try folk is public speaking. I HATE IT SO FUCKING MUCH!!!

Are you guys hearing me when I say I HATE IT?!?! I stress way too fucking much when I have to speak in front of people I don’t normally hold conversations with. Even when I know I can blow said people away with my knowledge and skill of making bomb ass presentations, I still overly analyze and freak the fuck out.

I already fumble over my words because I’m one of those freakazoids who thinks waaaaaaaaay faster than she speaks. And when I do speak, I have to concentrate extra hard on what I want to say, how I want to say and the facial expressions that should go with what I’m saying. don’t judge me I have a horrid habit of frowning even when I’m o.k.a.y. Did I mention I am a ratchet storyteller in person because I always leave out minor yet very important details? This is why I’m a writer because I don’t have to actually interact with people. I’m weird y’all because I’m actually very outgoing and love being around people I just have quirky anti-social please leave me the fuck alone tendencies.

Moving on… LOL

So back to my story, so I worked on this presentation for a few months. I mulled over it and had so many sleepless nights thinking about it. In my typical Southern Yankee fashion, I didn’t actually get it all put together until a few days before the presentation was actually to take place. Hello my name is SoYa and I’m a habitual procrastinator!

Lemme just say this… I made a bad ass fucking presentation! I had educational elements, humor and PICTURES! There were also GIFs and brief clips that supported my topics and sub topics. I did the got damn thang Gina!! Shiiiiiiit I even figured out how to insert continuously scrolling text at the bottom of the one of the slides. Yo, I was sooooooo proud of my scrolling text! It looked so good and people actually caught on to the humor of it.

Soooo seeing as I was so incredibly confident in my presentation one would thank I would have kicked even more ass in the actual presentation. My boss says one thing I say another. I started off so shaky and so very nervous and you could tell. I’m not one for hiding my emotions or putting on an intense poker face especially if the attention is focused on me. There’s nothing more distracting than people watching your every move and hanging on your every spoken word. Critiquing how you pronounce and annunciate your words. Looking at your appearance and shit. Jesus lawd I wanted to runaway. So fucking unsettling!

But ya know I made through. My boss and her boss sat to the left and right of me and coached right through the presentation. My co workers in attendance thanked and congratulated me on a job well done. The executives in attendance actually shook my hands and sent positive and constructive criticism via my boss for future reference. It’s one thing to impress your boss and his or her boss with your work but when you impress the BIG over the whole building/division boss then you know you’ve done a good job. You know that for the rest of the day you’re the shit and no one can knock you off your high horse. Just fa da day mayne you don’t wanna seem too cocky

I can honestly say I’m glad I had to do this presentation because it forced me outta my shell. I think had I only had to present to my department co workers I would have been nervous but not so much because I know and talk to them all the time. But executives were in attendance and it was a chance for them to see me in a different light as well as to gain some brownie points. I think I’d rather just have the yummy gooey fudge brownies tho. Just sayin =D

Thanks for reading…

The Southern Yankee

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