#NaBloPoMo Daily Prompt: Worry No More

Today’s writing prompt is brought to you by the BlorHer NaBloPoMo November Prompts found here.

If you could permanently get rid of one worry, what would it be?
—–
I grew up in a single parent home.

My mother and I didn’t have a lot of money and couldn’t do everything. Sure her siblings and parents were always more than willing to help here and there but I’m sure in a perfect world my mom would have chosen to do and provide things on her own.

We lived with my maternal grandparents for half of my childhood. It was a small three bedroom house with one very small bathroom. My mom and I stayed in the room next to her parents. I have to admit life was pretty cushy at my grandparents because we never really had to want for anything. And since I was the only grandchild, I was spoiled rotten by my Papa. I honestly didn’t have a care in the world.

Then in the late eighties, my mother and I moved next door into our own home. It was the greatest feeling in the world to have my own room AND bathroom. I had a two windows in my room and one in my bathroom. It felt absolutely a ma zing to call a space my own. But as time went on, I could feel my mom was struggling with making ends meet. I think by the time we moved to our house, she was working at the hospital about 30 miles away from our little Podunk town. I was in junior high so you already know I was becoming more expensive. Between school supplies and clothes, shoes, I was already a size 10 band, sports and everything else teenagers did back then, I was easily costing her $3-$4k a semester. EASILY!

And let’s not talk about the money spent in high school and college… I might as well have knocked off a bank or something.

Sigh…

—-

Money has always been a sore spot in my life. I’ve never been in a situation where I didn’t have to worry about money. I don’t even know what it’s like not to think about how am I going to pay for this this and that. I guess I do now because I’ve gotten better about not spending too excessively. And I’ve tried to be more conscious about my spending habits. Boo and I discuss major purchases and try our best to save what little money we get paid every week which is a life saver. Boo gets paid one week and I get paid the next. We also alternate who buys groceries each week.

As we get older we try our best to be more mindful, but for a while, it was just me working, paying all the bills which included two vehicle payments, buying groceries and gas and paying for boo’s tuition/books. I’m not sure how we did it but we did. I was even going to school for a bit. I think about those years and wonder where they all went. I wonder if I had more money would those years of struggling paycheck to paycheck and extreme penny pinching would have been less painful emotionally.

I often wonder now what would my life be like if I actually got paid what is on my paycheck stub. Seriously, the before and after on my paycheck is ridiculously different and depresses me just as much as not having my daughter with me. And let’s not discuss my 401k. I am quickly approaching the B I G 4 O and I don’t know how I’m going to make it through life by the time I reach my mom’s age.

Money isn’t the end all be all of life but it sho does make it easier to sleep at night. I don’t want to be a millionaire or even a billionaire. I just want to be comfortable and to help my friends and family not struggle anymore. To make sure my daughter, nieces and nephews don’t have to worry about having to pay for college because there would be a college fund already started for them. cuz tuition payments are a mutha fucka

I don’t think I’m asking for too much. Too many people are struggling in this country. Too many rich folks and/or celebrities aren’t willing to make a positive difference in the world. It ain’t like they can take all they shit to the grave. Is it really necessary to buy a $2k pair of shoes? Or jeans that cost more than $35? Who the hell needs a Lamborghini or a Ferrari for a first car? Seriously?!

Sorry… I just don’t understand sometimes. Money is great when you have it but dangerous when you don’t because people do almost anything just to get it. Who wants to live that way? Who deserves to live that way?

Sigh… Thanks for reading…

The Southern Yankee

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