As I am sitting in my local Starbucks sipping a Vanilla Spice Latte, I am having a hard time trying to figure out who or what I would be able to definitely live without. I’m too old to maintain the mentality of ‘I constantly need people around me to make myself feel relevant’. Hence why I ‘purge’ people out of my life on the regular. Only those people who are absolutely willing
and strong enough emotionallyto put up with my mean-girl-let’s-be-completely-real personality usually make it into the friend zone. And lemme tell you that zone has a very narrow circumference. As my sister says, I ain’t got time to be runnin behind nobody!! So with that said, I suppose I will be sticking to the ‘what’ I could definitely live without. Disclaimer: if I gross you out with something, you’ll get over later. Ladies you’ll know what I’m talking about in a bit.
So here is my top ten things I can live without. Letterman style!
10. Slow drivers and rubber neckers on any Houston road way. Those bitches can roll off the side of the bridge for all I care. That’s mean I know but shit if it ain’t got nothing to do wit yo ass move the fuck on.
9. Broads who have no business driving big ass trucks and SUVs. Look I’m a woman driver but I know my limits when it comes to driving certain vehicles. If I can’t see out of the mirrors or stir the dern thing, I’m not going to attempt to get in the driver seat. Please ladies don’t buy something because you are compensating for your ego. Leave that to the men who drive big vehicles because they got a you know what complex.
8. The Stepford Women of The Woodlands, TX… These broads have nothing better to do than to go shopping in their way too short tennis skirts, Michael Kors/Prada/Gucci/Coach bags and their cute little happy dogs. But I guess when you got a Bentley comfortable and a husband with a Maserati you can do those thangs.
no I’m not jealous. They’re just annoying as fuck
7. Long lines at Target and Walmart. Why have so many damn check out lanes if they’re not going to be used. That’s just stupid ad doesn’t make anything sense. If you have cashiers available USE THEIR ASS.
6. Those who forget where they came from. I think the one thing I have learned in the eight years at my job is that respect the people who helped you get to the place you are now. I am so thankful to all the employers who helped me develop my customer service skills, who gave me opportunities to learn new skill sets and who believed in me and my capabilities.. Some people out there could really use a lesson in humble effn pie.
5. People with a holier/better than thou mentality. No one person is better or more righteous thank another person I don’t care who you are, where you came from or how much money you have, that doesn’t give you the right to look down on me because I don’t have or believe what you do.
4. Disrespectful people. I don’t think this needs an elaborate explanation. Treat others as you would want to be treated.
3. Bratty churrin. I refuse to tolerate children who have bad attitudes, who don’t listen to their parents or any other adult, and who think they grown at four years old. I grew up in a time where if you looked at an adult with the wrong facial expression you were getting popped with the switch. No questions asked. And don’t let someone from your church see you doing shit you shouldn’t have been doing in the first place. Ugh I stayed in trouble lol Nowadays parents send kids to time out and count three two one. That bullshit don’t work.
2. The chants and cheers done by all Texas A&M Aggies. I graduated from a Big 12 school so I already can’t stand anything associated with A&M. Don’t get me wrong their love and admiration for their school is admirable and amazing to see. However, what I can’t stand is sitting through an hour and a half long introduction of themselves. At APO conferences, we usually introduce ourselves name chapter school year pledged. But when an Aggie does it, they say the usual and end with some ridiculously long cultish like saying and a whoop. Give me an fucking break with that. After five years of hearing that mess you’d think I would’ve memorized it but thankfully I have not succumbed to the cults voodoo mind tricks.
And for the number one thing I could absolutely live without… Drum roll please…
1. I could live without getting my period every month. Why the hell do I have to go through hell, cramps, back pains, moodiness that is far worse than usual, bitchy tirades and binge chocolate eating furies. Why?!?!?! Explain that one.. First of all, it is gross as hell. I can’t laugh, sneeze, move or even sleep with out feeling like I have to pee. And it stinks dude. So gross! Secondly, pads and tampons are uncomfortable as shit. And they don’t allow you to do anything fun or rigorous because you’re too busy worrying if your going to stain yourself. Lastly, when there are a bunch of women around you all the time your periods sync up. I feel like we’re just doing that to torture each other. Guys are you grossed out yet? Hope so. =p All I want to know is why Eve ate that damn apple. Lawd!
LOL I’ve been mulling over this post for five days only to whip it out in an hour sitting at Starbucks. I slay me. Anyway hope you enjoyed my Letterman style top ten countdown.
Thanks for reading…
The Southern Yankee