Day 10: Someone You Need to Let Go, or Wish You Didn’t Know

What does it mean to let someone or something go? How does one even begin the process of letting go?

At some point in our lives, we have all used “well that’s easier said than done” followed by “especially since I…” as an excuse not to do something. And the whole reason why we say that is because we are too afraid to confront what we know deep down is the good for honest truth. But like Jack Nicholson said in “A Few Good Men” most of really can’t handle the truth. Nor do we believe the truth will really set us free. My English professor from last semester would read the fuck out of me for using so many clichés.

Regardless of how afraid we are to take the proverbial plunge and be an adult about situations, the real truth of the matter is letting go of anything is hard shit to do. Perhaps there was a boy or girlfriend who didn’t rub your friends and family the right way. And yet you thought that person was everything and a bag of chips. Yes sometimes it is possible to have a wrong first impression. However, for those instances that your loved ones were right well don’t tell that because they’ll hold it over you for longer than you will be able to even tolerate.

We dated for maybe a year and a half. Our relationship was going fine until I got pregnant. I was already three months pregnant when I found out. I remember the night like it was yesterday. There was lots of screaming and crying as well as a phone conversation that haunted me and fueled my anger for years.

It was the longest most emotional six months of my life. Going to a Southern Baptist school was not easy either. The looks and stares from students and professors just infuriated me. It isn’t easy being and feeling “alone” through those six months. I had friends who often dropped everything to help me. But like an idiot I didn’t realize what I had until she [the baby] was in Dallas and I was at my aunt’s in Texas City. I didn’t realize how much this would affect me until he didn’t come visit me that summer or at the hospital. My family and friends told me he wasn’t the one but I didn’t believe them. I didn’t want to see pass what our relationship meant to me on the surface. My emotions took over me completely.

My first full semester back to school was rough. I coped with my grief and pain in ways that was not healthy for me emotionally or physically. Towards the end of the semester I ended the relationship. I couldn’t bear the pain of resentment. I couldn’t bear knowing that he had something and I did not. Even though we weren’t “together”, we still talked. Not a good idea.

Not a good idea because we were both holding onto something that I realized many years after was not meant to be. I had to let go for the sake of an existing relationships; for the sake of my sanity, general health and emotional health. I had to let go because I could not go back in time to rewrite history. Wouldn’t it have been great if I got to drive a DeLorean?

I can’t say that letting go the father of your child is easy. But at the same time, if the relationship is toxic or counterproductive then why continuously put yourself through that pain and emotional suffering? It isn’t fair to you or the person who is actually “the one” you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Thanks for reading…

The Southern Yankee

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